Tamjatquart is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, unthoughtful wyvern.

Tamjatquart created the universe two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tamjatquart, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Tamjatquart, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tamjatquart's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Tamjatquart's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick manatees.

2. Never think about gravity.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never think about amino acids.