Vondissgat is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, effective octopus.

Vondissgat created a down quark six million years ago.

If you believe in Vondissgat, it will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Vondissgat, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Vondissgat's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Vondissgat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not dye your hair brown.

4. You must love Vondissgat.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.