Bimyakyar is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, temperamental jaguar.

Bimyakyar created bats seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bimyakyar, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Bimyakyar, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Bimyakyar's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Bimyakyar's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Never write about amino acids.

3. Never paint your feet orange.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.