Xucpadfemsug is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, irritating naga.

Xucpadfemsug created bats nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xucpadfemsug, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Xucpadfemsug, he will turn you into a dog.

Xucpadfemsug's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Xucpadfemsug's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat strawberries.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Run away if seven gulls approach from the east.

5. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.