Kinvabgep is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, sapient crocodile.

Kinvabgep created life five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kinvabgep, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kinvabgep, she will destroy your home galaxy.

Kinvabgep's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Kinvabgep's Holy Commandments

1. Put Kinvabgep first in all things.

2. Never sing near moths.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always wear purple.

5. Do not take Kinvabgep's name in vain.