Gesstifyak is a god.

He takes the form of a six thousand metre long, fast dryad.

Gesstifyak created Mount Everest four billion years ago.

If you believe in Gesstifyak, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Gesstifyak, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Gesstifyak's most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Gesstifyak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat bread.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Do not dye your hair fawn.

4. Always make sure there are no moths in a building before entering it.

5. Never wear turquoise shorts.