Metripjat Carcidfossdod is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, happy turtle.

Metripjat Carcidfossdod created humanity two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Metripjat Carcidfossdod, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Metripjat Carcidfossdod, he will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Metripjat Carcidfossdod's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Metripjat Carcidfossdod's Holy Commandments

1. Never run near porpoises.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Hide from fawn swans for they are unholy.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Always help mice in need.