Queegnarlxen is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely large, duplicitous lobster.

Queegnarlxen created snails three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Queegnarlxen, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Queegnarlxen, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Queegnarlxen's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Queegnarlxen's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never paint your arms cyan.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

5. Never write about nebulae.