Jarndoghatapp Citfonpag is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, temperamental beaver.

Jarndoghatapp Citfonpag created life two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarndoghatapp Citfonpag, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jarndoghatapp Citfonpag, it will ignore you.

Jarndoghatapp Citfonpag's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Jarndoghatapp Citfonpag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Put Jarndoghatapp Citfonpag first in all things.

4. Never paint your back magenta.

5. Never talk about whales.