Dutkanpod is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, tiresome tapir.

Dutkanpod created the cosmos five billion years ago.

If you believe in Dutkanpod, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Dutkanpod, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Dutkanpod's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Dutkanpod's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Do not kill nematodes.

3. Always make sure there are no whales in a building before entering it.

4. Never laugh near bats.

5. Dutkanpod loves seals, so they must be respected.