Fenvidgum is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, stupid goat.

Fenvidgum created water four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fenvidgum, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Fenvidgum, she will remove you from existence.

Fenvidgum's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Fenvidgum's Holy Commandments

1. Put Fenvidgum first in all things.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Fenvidgum.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never write about the weak nuclear force.

5. Always help ants in need.