Ortnanpib is a god.

It takes the form of a galaxy-sized, conceited hippopotamus.

Ortnanpib created energy four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortnanpib, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ortnanpib, it will attempt to scare you with hail.

Ortnanpib's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Ortnanpib's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sheep in need.

2. Ortnanpib loves dogs, so they must be honoured.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.