Hasyartgov is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, blissful newt.

Hasyartgov created the Whirlpool Galaxy five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hasyartgov, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hasyartgov, she will be very unhappy.

Hasyartgov's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Hasyartgov's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat carrots.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. You must pray to Hasyartgov nine times a day.

4. Never feed bananas to gulls while wearing brown kilts.

5. Do not cook food in pots.