Appyatflag is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unjust grasshopper.

Appyatflag created carbon three million years ago.

If you believe in Appyatflag, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Appyatflag, he will remove you from existence.

Appyatflag's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Appyatflag's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your face magenta.

2. Appyatflag loves seals, so they must be honoured.

3. Always make sure there are no voles in a building before entering it.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Appyatflag.

5. Hide if nine gulls approach from the north.