Latxuctip Lamgaddib is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, witty lion.

Latxuctip Lamgaddib created Europe four billion years ago.

If you believe in Latxuctip Lamgaddib, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Latxuctip Lamgaddib, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Latxuctip Lamgaddib's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Latxuctip Lamgaddib's Holy Commandments

1. Do not make images of living things.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Latxuctip Lamgaddib loves manatees, so they must be honoured.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Latxuctip Lamgaddib loves voles, so they must be respected.