Titmatken is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, kind jaguar.

Titmatken created the planet Jupiter twelve years ago.

If you believe in Titmatken, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Titmatken, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Titmatken's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Titmatken's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never think about cell theory.

3. Never talk about amino acids.

4. Do not hurt goats.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.