Honjarnstaf is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, uncaring bat.

Honjarnstaf created energy seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Honjarnstaf, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Honjarnstaf, he will torture you forever.

Honjarnstaf's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Honjarnstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Honjarnstaf.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Never talk about cell theory.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Do not listen to music.