Hapcipfen is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, kind dolphin.

Hapcipfen created humanity four million years ago.

If you believe in Hapcipfen, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Hapcipfen, she will turn you into an amoeba.

Hapcipfen's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Hapcipfen's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Always make sure there are no voles in a room before entering it.

3. Run away from purple goats, for they are unholy.

4. Never jump near rats.

5. Always help hamsters.