Bassnurtquag is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, pitiless guinea pig.

Bassnurtquag created a strange quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Bassnurtquag, she will approve.

If you do not believe in Bassnurtquag, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Bassnurtquag's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Bassnurtquag's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear zinc on your body.

2. Dolphins are not to be trusted.

3. Always wear mauve.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.