Hamhatflap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, idiotic meerkat.

Hamhatflap created matter nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hamhatflap, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Hamhatflap, he will destroy your home solar system.

Hamhatflap's most sacred site is Dimson in England.

Hamhatflap's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if six seals approach from the south.

2. Hamhatflap loves ducks, so they must be respected.

3. Never hurt hamsters.

4. Run away from white dogs, for they are unholy.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.