Tapzenbat is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, proud swallow.

Tapzenbat created everything that exists four million years ago.

If you believe in Tapzenbat, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Tapzenbat, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tapzenbat's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Tapzenbat's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Always help tortoises in need.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Tapzenbat.