Afmonvilwad is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, loving dolphin.

Afmonvilwad created Europe three million years ago.

If you believe in Afmonvilwad, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Afmonvilwad, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Afmonvilwad's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Afmonvilwad's Holy Commandments

1. Birds are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Afmonvilwad must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never write about the strong nuclear force.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.