Stigpanven is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, moody newt.

Stigpanven created a bottom quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Stigpanven, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Stigpanven, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Stigpanven's most sacred site is Syndendro in Greece.

Stigpanven's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about hamsters.

2. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Do not wear orange clothing.

5. Feed all hungry geese.