Queegvagmet Gamkimdin is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, cheerful hydra.

Queegvagmet Gamkimdin created viruses three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Queegvagmet Gamkimdin, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Queegvagmet Gamkimdin, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Queegvagmet Gamkimdin's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Queegvagmet Gamkimdin's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your legs.

2. Never write about gravity.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not speak about turnips.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of aluminium.