Kikmapjen Kopkomflap is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, proud walrus.

Kikmapjen Kopkomflap created matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Kikmapjen Kopkomflap, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Kikmapjen Kopkomflap, he will be very sad.

Kikmapjen Kopkomflap's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Kikmapjen Kopkomflap's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Dolphins are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. You must never eat lemons.