Paknurlgum is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, cheerful snail.

Paknurlgum created the planet Mars eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Paknurlgum, it will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Paknurlgum, it will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Paknurlgum's most sacred site is Auvillar in France.

Paknurlgum's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat melons.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Do not dye your hair black.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of titanium.