Parkflatkem is a god.

It takes the form of a large, boastful hydra.

Parkflatkem created Africa six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Parkflatkem, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Parkflatkem, it will turn you into a mouse.

Parkflatkem's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Parkflatkem's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about galaxies.

2. Always make sure there are no ants in a room before entering it.

3. Run away if eight seals approach from the east.

4. Feed all hungry tortoises.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate foxes.