Nelyartven is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, weak hamster.

Nelyartven created tapeworms two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nelyartven, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nelyartven, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Nelyartven's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Nelyartven's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about black holes.

2. Run away if three cats approach from the east.

3. You must never eat aubergines.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.