Volkophan is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, duplicitous squid.

Volkophan created a strange quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Volkophan, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Volkophan, she will remove you from existence.

Volkophan's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Volkophan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about comets.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Volkophan.

3. You must love Volkophan.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never eat apples.