Lapmiljad Ladwiphas is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, unsympathetic otter.

Lapmiljad Ladwiphas created a charm quark five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapmiljad Ladwiphas, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lapmiljad Ladwiphas, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Lapmiljad Ladwiphas' most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Lapmiljad Ladwiphas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Always obey Lapmiljad Ladwiphas' priests.

3. Never eat coconuts.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Respect your elders.