Hakkikmin is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, narcissistic otter.

Hakkikmin created life three billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakkikmin, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Hakkikmin, he will not care.

Hakkikmin's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Hakkikmin's Holy Commandments

1. Always help dogs.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Erect a large gold sculpture of Hakkikmin on top of all buildings.

5. Always help eagles in need.