Sasflatteen is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, annoying narwhal.

Sasflatteen created the solar system eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sasflatteen, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Sasflatteen, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Sasflatteen's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Sasflatteen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair green.

2. Erect a large platinum sculpture of Sasflatteen on top of all buildings.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Cats are not to be trusted.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate swans.