Nurtjinveg is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, contented dugong.

Nurtjinveg created viruses five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtjinveg, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Nurtjinveg, he will curse you with boils.

Nurtjinveg's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Nurtjinveg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Never talk about cell theory.

3. Hide if five geese approach from the west.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.