Dutlarnhiv is a god.

It takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, tiresome cobra.

Dutlarnhiv created Africa nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dutlarnhiv, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Dutlarnhiv, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Dutlarnhiv's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Dutlarnhiv's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Do not wear silver on your body.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a room before entering it.

5. Never talk about gravity.