Hogfidpagnakzimgem is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, humorless donkey.

Hogfidpagnakzimgem created time and space seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Hogfidpagnakzimgem, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Hogfidpagnakzimgem, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Hogfidpagnakzimgem's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Hogfidpagnakzimgem's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about gravity.

2. Never wear jumpers.

3. Always obey Hogfidpagnakzimgem's priests.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Never hurt manatees.