Arpgentarguttalnellgenkik is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, weak swallow.

Arpgentarguttalnellgenkik created the planet Mars five million years ago.

If you believe in Arpgentarguttalnellgenkik, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Arpgentarguttalnellgenkik, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Arpgentarguttalnellgenkik's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Arpgentarguttalnellgenkik's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never look at planets.

3. Never hurt badgers.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not cook food in pots.