Ortcapbog is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, boastful scorpion.

Ortcapbog created oxygen six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortcapbog, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Ortcapbog, he will make you grow a tail.

Ortcapbog's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Ortcapbog's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never eat aubergines.