Fubtimbeg Pad is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, passionate shrew.

Fubtimbeg Pad created bats three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fubtimbeg Pad, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Fubtimbeg Pad, she will turn you into a hamster.

Fubtimbeg Pad's most sacred site is Omaweneno in Botswana.

Fubtimbeg Pad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force.

2. Never mention tapirs.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Sheep are not to be trusted.

5. Fast once a month.