Talpitkim is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, overgenerous badger.

Talpitkim created Mount Everest eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Talpitkim, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Talpitkim, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Talpitkim's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Talpitkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear scarves.

2. You must love Talpitkim.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Do not eat lemons.

5. Never eat tomatoes.