Titfetvon is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, generous crab.

Titfetvon created the Black Eye Galaxy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Titfetvon, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Titfetvon, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Titfetvon's most sacred site is Manakuppam in India.

Titfetvon's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Titfetvon.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Titfetvon.

4. Never talk about aardvarks.

5. Put Titfetvon first in all things.