Tikfatpad is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, benevolent crab.

Tikfatpad created a charm quark three billion years ago.

If you believe in Tikfatpad, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Tikfatpad, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Tikfatpad's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Tikfatpad's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if nine snakes approach from the south.

2. Hide from turquoise tortoises for they are unholy.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Never pour water over plants.