Jopflangon is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, generous hamster.

Jopflangon created carbon five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopflangon, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Jopflangon, it will turn you into a hamster.

Jopflangon's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Jopflangon's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Jopflangon's priests.

2. Never think about amino acids.

3. Never wear shoes.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never look in ponds.