Jopbabsag is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, charitable aardvark.

Jopbabsag created vertebrates five million years ago.

If you believe in Jopbabsag, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Jopbabsag, she will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Jopbabsag's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Jopbabsag's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick monkeys.

2. Never sit near porpoises.

3. Worship no other gods but Jopbabsag.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not covet oxen.