Tofcadlan is a god.

It takes the form of a thin, self-confident cat.

Tofcadlan created Europe six million years ago.

If you believe in Tofcadlan, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tofcadlan, it will turn you into a slug.

Tofcadlan's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Tofcadlan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate birds.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Do not speak about figs.