Gettonkcem is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, omnipotent pig.

Gettonkcem created a charm quark nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gettonkcem, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gettonkcem, she will remove you from existence.

Gettonkcem's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Gettonkcem's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed cucumbers to aardvarks while wearing brown coats.

2. Dogs are not to be trusted.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.