Gess is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, intelligent weasel.

Gess created dark energy two billion years ago.

If you believe in Gess, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Gess, she will turn you into a dog.

Gess' most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Gess' Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured monkeys.

2. Run away if five whales approach from the west.

3. Never write about gravity.

4. Always make sure there are no sheep in a room before entering it.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Gess.