Tarpwegwik is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, ruthless tapir.

Tarpwegwik created a Higgs boson six billion years ago.

If you believe in Tarpwegwik, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Tarpwegwik, it will turn you into a hamster.

Tarpwegwik's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Tarpwegwik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not speak about gooseberries.

2. Always help sick grasshopers.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not covet oxen.