Milflamarpsagpigyoklin is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, witless tapir.

Milflamarpsagpigyoklin created carbon nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Milflamarpsagpigyoklin, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Milflamarpsagpigyoklin, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Milflamarpsagpigyoklin's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Milflamarpsagpigyoklin's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Always obey Milflamarpsagpigyoklin's priests.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Hide from magenta swans for they are unholy.