Goftitzak is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, merciful goose.

Goftitzak created tapeworms eight million years ago.

If you believe in Goftitzak, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Goftitzak, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Goftitzak's most sacred site is Ans in Denmark.

Goftitzak's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into gray rooms.

2. Run away from white whales, for they are unholy.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.