Hatcebxuck is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, cheerful tortoise.

Hatcebxuck created a charm quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hatcebxuck, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hatcebxuck, it will turn you into a puffin.

Hatcebxuck's most sacred site is Bokaa in Botswana.

Hatcebxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Never think about stars.

5. Do not shave your hands.